The Buzz Bin

In a bonus interview, Ray Hopewood, Internet phenomenon for President, discusses the issues that matter here in DC. This openly fake, social media-generated presidential campaign is sponsored by BigFix. And it has generated national media Using social media, our pseudo-candidate is capable of answering all issues. Now he took some time to answer our questions regarding politics and more…

BB: What’s it like when you and the other big Silicon Valley CEOs like Jobs and Ellison get together?

RH: Well, I’ve learned not to play board games with them. They don’t like to lose. Jobs usually ‘reinvents the rules’ as he calls it. If you’re beating Ellison, he usually screams “Earthquake!� and then tips the table over so the pieces go flying. Mostly we race our Lamborghinis, or our 100-foot yachts, or our private jets. You know, we just do regular-guy stuff. But in general, you have to think of activities that don’t require sharing.

BB: Ray, Washington, D.C. is a political city. How should established politicians consider your campaign?

RH: Established politicians should consider Ray Hopewood the Candidate of Opportunity and Prosperity. Everyone has an opportunity to have their voice heard, provided, of course, their constituents buy obscenely large amounts of software from a certain company. I believe in government of the people who spend a lot of money, for the people who sell expensive things, and by the people who sell those expensive things and take that money.

BB: You say technology is the big issue for 2008. How can technology improve the situation in Iraq?

RH: Well Iraq is a difficult subject. Now I’m a music fan, and I rap a little on the side, but I rock as well. But the state of music is definitely a supply and demand economy – we can’t force the people to have more rock and less rap. So I rock, I rap, you country, you techno, it’s really up to the people.

BB: How can technology reform Congress?

RH: I believe the answer to that is simple: Congress needs to install a lot of software. And when I say ‘a lot,’ I’m talking ‘A LOT,’ as in trillions of dollars ‘a lot.’ Now you may think that will drive up the national debt, but investment in incredibly expensive software has a major trickle down effect. Because if you buy from my company, that money trickles down to Ray Hopewood.

BB: You are using social media as a primary communications form. What do you think of other candidates’ use of these social technologies?

RH: I won’t mince words here, I won’t beat around the bush. Hillary Clinton’s quest for a theme song was a disaster. She really looked silly, because the people who use social technologies knew that she didn’t understand who she was talking to. However, her faux pas wasn’t nearly as bad as Barack Obama’s use of Ask a Ninja for ‘promise me your vote or you’ll be looking at the business end of my friends’ “throwing star� campaign, or Fred Thompson’s ‘Pimp Thompson’s Grille’ site where he took bids on sponsoring his new gold teeth.

Now a lot of people say Ron Paul is the ‘social media candidate,’ but we all know his supporters are lonely, chubby guys who arrange their calendars around Star Trek conventions. Besides, he’s worth less than $20 million so in America that makes him a non-person – we all know that in this country there are laws against the non-rich being elected president.

BB: What’s your favorite technology?

RH: The Wii hand controller is really cool. I’ve connected one to the ERP system at Hopewood Technologies. Ever see 25,000 employees doing jumping jacks in unison? Awesome!

BB: We recently had nationally syndicated astrologer Jacqueline Bigar on the Buzz Bin to predict the election. She chose Hillary. What’s your opinion of the stars aligning for Hilary?

RH: I think the Honorable Senator from Arkansas has a great shot. I’m sure the people of Arkansas are behind her all the way, as she’s lived there for so long. Wait, I’m getting a note from my staff … sorry, the Honorable Senator from Washington D.C., the people there are behind her, because she lived there for eight years.

One second … wait, New York? Seriously, New York? How long did she live there before she ran? Two weeks? You’re kidding. Is that even legal? Hmm. You learn something new every day. Sorry about the interruption … the Honorable Senator from New York already claims the stars align for her, which is totally false.

Ray Hopewood heard a radio ad several years ago where you could pay to re-name a star, and Ray Hopewood bought every last one. Boy, was Ellison pissed when he found out. They are named ‘Hopewood 1’ through Hopewood ‘29,346,213,003.’ So I’m sorry, Ms. Senator from New Arkanashington D.C., but the stars align only for their master, Ray Hopewood.