Beginning a friendship usually takes time. But in the online world that we live in, it’s sometimes a simple stroke of a key. Science Daily recently reported that the average person has a social network of around 150 friends, ranging from very close friends to casual acquaintances. And I’m sure developing these relationships took no time at all.
But the question remains are online networks reducing the investment necessary to make new friends. I have been making a new friend recently, not online. We go out to dinner, we sporadically talk on the phone, yet you don’t want it to be ‘too much.’ You don’t want to come on too strong. Like dating, it takes time.
And honesty develops in time. Science Daily discusses the importance of honest signals when beginning a new friendship, which many times can only be found face to face. A recent article in The Guardian agrees: what you want in a friendship is an honest relationship.
At least that’s the way I think it should be. But I don’t have 150 Facebook friends, truthfully I don’t want 150 Facebook friends. Stowe Boyd talks about the quality vs. quantity. He says the nature of friendship is changing, and online relationships enable you to stay in touch with more people. Yes, but like many of us, I am getting friend requests from people I don’t even know or people that I knew many moons ago. Old colleagues, old college friends — all of a sudden — everyone wants to be my friend.
Marketing Profs Daily Fix says friendships develop when people contribute interesting content over time, when they share links and engage in actual conversation. My contacts are people I haven’t talked to in five or 10 years. For Marketing Profs, what it’s really about is the conversation. Then, there are those kindred spirits who always recognize each other no matter what the medium.
Maybe that’s what I’m holding out for — more kindred spirits in my life.
This seems to be an increasingly common dilemma… does one limit one’s network on Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. to true friends and actual business associates? Can one effectively limit things even further, like using Facebook only for college friends and current personal contacts? Or should one accept invitations from random business contacts or other people one barely knows? After a business conference, it’s common to get a flock of invites, some from people you encountered only momentarily. Is that a good thing?
Networking advocates suggest building one’s contact base. On the other hand, if you have a few hundred friends on a site, the way you use that site and your friends list will be a lot different than if you have just a couple of dozen close contacts.
I think the jury is out on this. Some of the seemingly random “friends” you add may, in fact, turn out to be real ones in the future. Some of the incidental business contacts may end up doing real business with you. Most, I’d guess, will leave you scratching your head a couple of years later as you desperately try to recall who that person is, how you met, and why he’s on your contact list.
-Roger